I’ve given plenty of advice on this blog, especially during my serial dating stint:
- Six Key Pieces of Dating Advice for Single Men
- Five Key Dating Tips for Single Women
- Five Unusual Tips for a Successful Long Distance Relationship
- How to Feel Your Need for a Man and Find Lasting Love
- Natural Progression in Relationships | Do What’s Right For You
All those tips are still valid based on my experience (actually, sometimes I go back and read that old stuff when I need a word myself…); however, I know my thinking has expanded a lot as far as relationships go. Not that I will ever have it all figured out, and I can’t begin to explain this without dragging LB into it, and talking about his role in said expansion. Remember he asked me not to write about us here?
Anyway, about the age-old question – well it’s probably more “new age” than anything – How long is too long to wait for a man to propose marriage?
The question is motivated by a piece I read on this blog. (Thanks for the inspiration!)
I stayed in an eleven year relationship, without ever having a strong desire to get married. I told myself that I needed to finish school first. I needed to buy a house first (and qualify as a single women under a first time home buyer program). I told myself that figuring out some sort of security and better living situation for my children was more important (hence moving to the suburbs), and it was.
By year six, I was writing in my journal about what my ideal partner would look like when he showed up (presumably at some point after I let go of the one I had). And I’ll say right now that my ex is what is considered a good man by most standards I’ve read about. And I realize that he actually had a lot right. 😐
If by chance you’ve had the perfect relationship and you want to judge me, feel free.
As we know, the contrast (discord) that we experience – in life and in relationships, causes us to ask for what we what in more specific ways (by acknowledging what we don’t want).
How long is too long to wait for a man to propose marriage?
So there’s no way I could ever tell a woman she should only give a man three years to propose and then bounce. (My ex proposed after six months; I think I stopped wearing the ring in year three.) Whatever she’d be running away from – unless she looks within (?), she would likely run up against in a next partner. (Yes, I know this isn’t conventional dating advice that says put people on a timeline and convince yourself to ditch them if they don’t match up to it.)
Even in a situation where the woman wants to get married and her mate doesn’t (women get a bum rap for being desperate in this regard – not a hundred percent falsely), if they were not a match on some level – emotionally, mentally, etc., they wouldn’t be together. You attract where/ who you are.
If said couple is arguing about whether or not to get married, shack up (Blah, blah..), etc. chances are one is just as miserable as the other. Or one has learned the art of “doing them!” When one or both decides to change their energy/ take a look at themselves and honestly assess how they’re contributing to the situation – and stay/ leave/ take no action/ focus on themselves and their own vibration (there are any number of outcomes here), it will be at the perfect time. At that point, is when they are ready to take their expansion and rise up to who that particular relationship caused them to become (for the better).
Again, we learn what we want sometimes by putting up with what we don’t want. We fine tune. It’s a process.
How long is too long to wait? What if we took “time” out of the equation and focused on actually getting aligned with the relationship we want? Some of us want rings and we’re not really ready for our ideal partnership (whatever that looks like) – and oftentimes, the knee-jerk response is to blame the man for being an ass hole or not trying to soothe the woman’s insecurities by making her feel safe and secure. Some of us may not even feel completely worthy of what we are asking for. Chances are he may not be ready either. Hey, we are all works in process.
As for me, and the image I included at the top of this post, I see myself being married and in a thriving partnership with my second best friend (I’m my first best friend) and romantic interest. Our marriage will be one of ease, clarity and recognition. Pure deliciousness. If you ever catch me tripping about it (meaning questioning when it’s coming), pull my coattail – because I know what I want, and I know for sure that it will manifest. I want to be aligned with it. I want to savor the process even though it won’t always feel good. At this moment, I’m unbothered. (Ten minutes from now, who knows?) I’m watching the unfolding.
A few weeks ago in this piece, I touched on folks not minding their business, or giving unsolicited advice about the progression of others’ relationships. Here’s a quote from it:
Every relationship unfolds at its own pace and significant moments and milestones vary from person to person. Some of those revelations or moments of growth have nothing to do with the physical at all, but are spiritual – or emotional.
Said another way: Don’t allow anyone to make you feel like you should be on a timeline. You’ll be happier down the line if you give yourself and your partner the time to line up with the relationship you want. I’m not advocating accepting abuse or staying where you don’t want to stay.
As several people told me – just relax!
What are your thoughts on waiting for a marriage proposal? How long is too long to wait?</strong>