Always remember, what’s a natural progression for you may be totally different or out of sync for someone else.
Remember Oprah considered marrying her long-time beau Steadman Graham because after decades of dating, taking their relationship to the “next level” seemed like a natural progression to the rest of the world? Well, as far as we know, she ditched the idea and went with what is right for them.
A lot of times, I consciously avoid mentioning LB because it works my nerves when people ask what I feel are personal and probing questions about him and our relationship. I dislike unsolicited opinions. I myself am conscious about not asking prying questions about others’ situations. If they want to share something or they ask my opinion, okay. But you won’t catch me sifting for intimate details.
Every relationship unfolds at its own pace and significant moments and milestones vary from person to person. Some of those revelations or moments of growth have nothing to do with the physical at all, but are spiritual – or emotional. (Stay with me here.)
For some women, it’s a significant milestone when their partner is regularly sleeping over. For some, it’s meeting the parents, or introducing their children. Some expect an engagement ring after exactly one year of dating. Others want a full on commitment after 60 days of hanging out. I know a man who proposed to and married his wife after a few weeks of knowing one another. Twelve years later, they’re still in a thriving marriage.
Oh, and most people want to live in the same state as their partner – and definitely the same country! Understandable.
Lately I’m more focused on nurturing my relationship with energy and vibration, versus words and actions. That’s an unconventional way to look at things, but it works. And if I take away the issue of “time” and “distance,” we are and will forever be more connected by energy. With this view, I feel less of a need to control outcomes and more inclined to focus on the best in him and between us. Because (and I keep repeating this), I am in the midst of a perfect unfolding.
I feel like I’m going left here, but my point is – it doesn’t matter what order folks choose run their relationships in, or how patient they are with one another and their unfolding (because it’s happening regardless). If it feels right, it is right. If you’re enjoying the journey, it’s right. If you’re growing and expanding, it’s right. If you go your separate ways, it’s still right, because you never lose. You always gain something.
If you decide you want something different in your own relationship than someone else’s desire for you, that’s perfectly fine.
I would ask folks to be conscious of imposing what you think is the normal course of things on other people. If any of us look back (and there’s no need to), somewhere along the way, we took a step that likely falls outside of social norms. And here we are.
Oh, and if I have a significant milestone that I want to share, I will do so willingly when I am ready. In the meantime, I’m good.
I’m aware that I may be sensitive to this. Do you think it’s a given that intimate details of your relationship are up for discussion?