How much success have you had in your dating life? Is it rewarding? Fun? Have you found love? First off, contrary to what many women have conditioned themselves to believe, there are tons of great men out there.
And still, I promote that working on being your best self, doing things you enjoy, and having fun dating are tantamount to finding joy (and a man if you want one) during the single stages. We’ve all been there right?
With that, I’ll leave you with a few nuggets that might help you along your dating journey :
1) Focus on the positive. Write a list of things you like about every man you agree to go out with – after the first conversation. When you hang out, you’ll already have a starting point for expanding on that list, or crossing things off. If you have nothing positive to say, or he doesn’t meet your expectations — next! Some say everyone deserves a second date unless the first one was horrible. That’s your call. The point being, the more you focus on what you DO want, the more of those things will come your way (life advice).
2) Be flexible. “What happened to spontaneity? Is it dead?,” someone recently asked in response to my poll about kissing. Forget the rules when appropriate, and honor what feels right. Because there are no hard and fast rules.
3) Be confident. In order to be confident, you have to look and feel your best. This is not to say that men won’t approach you on your worst day, because they do! Whether or not you’re wearing makeup, your best outfit, hairstyle, etc. (And I’m usually still caught off guard.) But play up your best features. Engage in activities that make you happy, because happiness is attractive. If you have areas for self-improvement, tackle them. Confidence is sexy!
4) Take L’s (losses). You’ll have instances where you meet a guy and sparks start to fly, and he seems great in several ways (he’s funny, he’s tall, he has rock hard abs, he’s engaging, smells irresistible — or whatever!), but then he doesn’t call, or doesn’t ask you out again! Ladies, it’s simple. He’s not too stressed. He hasn’t lost your number or your Facebook name. He’s just not into you and has decided not to move forward – for whatever reason. Take the L, and keep it moving – without trying to call him and reconcile what went wrong, or complaining too long about not getting closure. The negativity will weigh you down. If you need to chalk it up to him being an asshole, feel free to do that. (He may very well be.) It’s his loss because you prefer a man who can communicate. If the same scenario keeps playing out, revaluate yourself.
5) Be receptive. Remember the guy who stood you up? Or the one who sold you grandiose dreams when he really wanted sex? The relationship you over-invested in? What about the guy you thought was “the one” – until he disappeared from Earth, never to be heard from again? Or the liar who turned out to be married? Yea, him. Don’t bring that loser and your heavy baggage on a date with the new guy. Trust is definitely earned, but every new man deserves a clean slate. I’m the Queen of red flags (I wrote about a couple of dates that didn’t even happen, here and here.), but we can’t hold what the last man did against the next man. You meet a great guy? Cool! He wants to be nice to you? Awesome. Be receptive to that. Think positively, because a closed heart won’t allow love in. If you can’t help but lump ALL MEN in the same behaviorial category, you’re not ready to date. Go back to the drawing board.
These are no surefire ways to get a man, but dating is a process and our overall attitudes and approach are what make it valuable and rewarding. Always remember, you are the common denominator.
Opinions? Any other tips you’d like to add? What do you think is the biggest barrier or challenge for women who are single and dating? What needs to change? Both the male and female perspective are welcome.
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- 10 Dating Commandments For The Modern Man (thoughtcatalog.com)