Is there a certain “type” of woman who gets involved in a long distance relationship (LDR)? I know several who started off as online or phone buddies with men they later married. Virtual closeness is often what we settle for when our partner lives hundreds or thousands of miles away, especially in the initial stages.
I’ve met even more women who frown upon long distance romance though. They say things like “I’m too clingy.” Or, “I don’t know how you do it. It’s not for me. I can’t handle it.” Or, “OMG, I would die.” Yadda, yadda, yadda.
Codependent relationships aside, it’s always good to know your limitations. If you’re the type of girl who needs to see her man, in the flesh, every day, an LDR is not for you. If you have major trust issues, it may not be for you. If you can’t forego nightly, weekly, or even monthly sex (or intercourse), an LDR is likely not for you. If you lack creativity, you may sit this one out. If travel is an issue for you, well…
No one I know set out with intention to date someone who lived in another state or country. It just happened that way. They enjoyed the mutual connection and friendship they experienced with their partner and decided to move toward commitment.
What kind of woman would do this? Does she have a certain personality type?
Really, she’s just willing to take a risk. Joined-at-the-hip, you-can’t-leave-my-sight, I’ll-go-crazy types aside — the long distance dater is a woman who, for whatever reason, decides to take a risk (or to support her partner while he leaves home to work, serve in the armed forces, etc.). She’s willing to set aside all her preconceived ideas about the pitfalls of faraway love and give it a chance. Patience is also key if one person agrees to uproot their life for the sake of being together.
I’m here to tell you that even the most self assured woman will have moments of doubt and insecurity. Times where her lover is asleep and she’s awake (due to different times zones.) But is he really sleeping?
It helps to have a man who does everything in his power to make you feel as secure, mainly by being open, honest, and transparent, and making every effort to create conditions for the relationship to flourish. He’s emotionally available and more than willing to communicate.
Then again, those qualities are great (and necessary) for a successful relationshp if your man lives around the corner from you.
LDR’s require a lot of positive self-talk and trust. And the ability to have a life separate from your significant other. And to make magic together, whether near or far. (I gave tips on this here.)
Back to the initial question: is there a certain type of woman who gets involved in an LDR?
The answer is yes. An open minded one who’s willing to trust her spirit and the intuitive connectedness she recognizes in her partner when he shows up. She signs up. She resists talking herself out of this good thing. Works through lingering fears. No worries. He’s bringing baggage too. Neither of them are clean slates.
Go back to the line about being open, honest, and transparent. In my relationship, communication is our center.
Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? What made you take the risk? How did things turn out? Any specific reason(s) for the success or failure of the relationship? If you haven’t tried it, would you be willing to? Any tips for long distance daters?