Long Distance Love – Are You Built For it?

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Is there a certain “type” of woman who gets involved in a long distance relationship (LDR)? I know several who started off as online or phone buddies with men they later married. Virtual closeness is often what we settle for when our partner lives hundreds or thousands of miles away, especially in the initial stages.

I’ve met even more women who frown upon long distance romance though. They say things like “I’m too clingy.” Or, “I don’t know how you do it. It’s not for me. I can’t handle it.” Or, “OMG, I would die.” Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Codependent relationships aside, it’s always good to know your limitations. If you’re the type of girl who needs to see her man, in the flesh, every day, an LDR is not for you. If you have major trust issues, it may not be for you. If you can’t forego nightly, weekly, or even monthly sex (or intercourse), an LDR is likely not for you. If you lack creativity, you may sit this one out. If travel is an issue for you, well…

No one I know set out with intention to date someone who lived in another state or country. It just happened that way. They enjoyed the mutual connection and friendship they experienced with their partner and decided to move toward commitment.

What kind of woman would do this? Does she have a certain personality type?

Really, she’s just willing to take a risk. Joined-at-the-hip, you-can’t-leave-my-sight, I’ll-go-crazy types aside — the long distance dater is a woman who, for whatever reason, decides to take a risk (or to support her partner while he leaves home to work, serve in the armed forces, etc.). She’s willing to set aside all her preconceived ideas about the pitfalls of faraway love and give it a chance. Patience is also key if one person agrees to uproot their life for the sake of being together.

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I’m here to tell you that even the most self assured woman will have moments of doubt and insecurity. Times where her lover is asleep and she’s awake (due to different times zones.) But is he really sleeping?

It helps to have a man who does everything in his power to make you feel as secure, mainly by being open, honest, and transparent, and making every effort to create conditions for the relationship to flourish. He’s emotionally available and more than willing to communicate.

Then again, those qualities are great (and necessary) for a successful relationshp if your man lives around the corner from you.

LDR’s require a lot of positive self-talk and trust. And the ability to have a life separate from your significant other. And to make magic together, whether near or far. (I gave tips on this here.)

Back to the initial question: is there a certain type of woman who gets involved in an LDR?

The answer is yes. An open minded one who’s willing to trust her spirit and the intuitive connectedness she recognizes in her partner when he shows up. She signs up. She resists talking herself out of this good thing. Works through lingering fears. No worries. He’s bringing baggage too. Neither of them are clean slates.

Go back to the line about being open, honest, and transparent. In my relationship, communication is our center.

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Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? What made you take the risk? How did things turn out? Any specific reason(s) for the success or failure of the relationship? If you haven’t tried it, would you be willing to? Any tips for long distance daters?



Categories: Advice, Inspiration

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19 replies

  1. Hi 🙂 I can relate and yes there are self-doubt moments. But, the good outweighs the bad by SO much ❤ Like your blog, interesting posts.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I had one, years ago. Not sure you’d even call it a relationship though. We had met over the phone by accident. Talked off and on for a couple of years. It was primarily about phone sex but of course, it led to intimate conversations. We’d eventually talk about family, work, likes, etc. Never actually met, and it pre-dated camera phones, so we never actually even saw each other. It was fun, and I used to look forward to talking to her. She was older than me, and a 1000 miles away, but it worked for us, for a time. It sorta petered out after a time though as she wanted a bit more from it and realized this was all it would be. I bet a “real” relationship is difficult with distance.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I had a LDR in college, but we were just too young to really put forth the effort to keep it going.
    My husband and I have been married for 22 years, and I traveled frequently until last year.
    It was amazing how much he appreciated me while I was away, and how happy I was to come home.
    Distance can give different perspective to a relationship that’s for sure.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow. I love this story. People scrunch their face up at the amount of travel my partner does. But one of the things I found attractive about him when we met is that he is well traveled and has a lot of perspective from that. I tell them that, I will enjoy having the opportunity to miss him and support him in doing what makes him happy (breaking up monotony of every day office life). It really is a matter of perspective. Thanks. I think the space between seeing one another (in an LDR) holds great opportunity for personal growth. Thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I had a one about 4 years before I got married. We met online. We clicked immediately and the connection only got stronger the more we talked, online and on the phone. We agreed not to see each other until we met — no pictures, nothing. He came to visit from Ohio (I live on the east coast). I didn’t care what anyone says — physical attraction is important. I was nervous as hell, as was he. But when we meet at the airport… oh, he was gorgeous. He even thought the same of me.

    Things progressed in every way… there were additional visits (both ways). He was dying to get out of Ohio…he was ready to move. But he had some family and financial issues. And one night on the phone, he told me he started seeing someone else, local, about 2 weeks prior. I gave him credit for being honest with me. But we were done. I was crushed for a while. And I knew I would never do the long distance thing again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow. I was all excited until the part where he dropped the bomb. Yes, credit for being honest and giving you the wherewithal to move on. The worst is when folks fade out in cowardly ways. He wasn’t ready for the next level so he sabotaged things with you.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I should also add, though, that a part of me loves LDRs. When you’re not physically together, you’re kind of “forced” to communicate with words. And in person often, people (mostly men, in my experience) may not be the best communicators. I love the interaction, the anticipation, the excitement.

        Getting to know someone with all words is wonderful, I think. But inevitably, one or both want to meet in-person. If it’s just one, the one who wants to meet may be disappointed and stop the relationship completely. And if it’s both, well, I do think that no matter how magical the relationship feels before meeting, that can change everything, often, not for the better.

        This has even happened to me with a friend I made online years ago. She and I decided to meet up at a location midway between us. We chatted for about 10 minutes and then it was like we were total strangers, neither of us knew what to say, and it was extremely awkward. We barely spoke after that… ever. And our friendship was so great before that meeting!

        So with a few exceptions, I love LDRs whether with friends or more-than-friends… but I’m extremely hesitant to go any further with them. Unless the sole purpose was to meet — my husband and I met online but it was a site for locals where meeting in-the-flesh was the whole point. We only spoke a few times before our first date.

        Liked by 1 person

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