When was the last time you went “bat shit” crazy for someone? What did you do? Go into stalker mode? (Not hard to do with social media.) Key someone’s car? Pee on your ex’s personal belongings?
Well now that I’m healed, I can talk about that time I went off the deep end for this guy named Prince. Actually, that’s a gross overstatement (I only went slightly nuts), and – I’ve already written about him several times on topics such as dating younger men (here and here), falling in love with his language, and sexual foreplay (still a fave of mine).
Back to the deep end. I didn’t do anything outside the usual losing sleep, going through emotional withdrawal, thinking the situation to death, etc. There was that one time I sped out of a parking lot and raced down random streets when he tried to get out of my car — but I was only trying to get his attention by holding him hostage!
On the road to healing, I wrote a lot about dating and relationships. Prince practically forced me to start this blog. That was during my falling stage, when we texted non-stop and broke day making out in my car several times.
I ended the relationship because he clearly told me it wasn’t going anywhere serious (so why would I continue to invest emotions and resources?) and regretted it later. I missed him. After a year or so of him going to the military, I began going on sporadic dates. None led to lasting romance, but I wrote plenty of funny stories.
Okay, I’m realizing I have no riveting anecdotes for this piece. Forgive me! I’m up writing at 4am.
Emotional healing comes with time. Mine started when he called me to announce his status as “dad-to-be.” We were friends. He trusted me. Of course he told he impregnated this woman overseas. Of course I cared. Of course I felt like someone punched me in the chest and knocked the wind out of me. A stiff knot swelled in my throat. I drove through Brooklyn hyperventilating! “Congratulations. Are you happy?” I asked. He mentioned that he loved her to death.
I learned that it’s easy to care for a passionate, supportive, motivating, communicative man who brings out the best in me. I learned to stop assuming people knew how I really felt about them, just based on actions. Actions are most important, but verbal communication goes hand in hand. Maybe he’s learned to stop sending mixed signals too. Um hmm.
Anyway, my advice on coming back from bat shit crazy:
- Disconnect from the person on social media
- Give yourself time to heal. Don’t put a rush on jumping into another “situation” (assuming you’re single).
- Fall back and stop communicating. It’s hard to get over someone you’re in constant contact with (assuming you don’t have children in common).
- Talk to your bestie if venting helps.
- Trust the process.
Mind you, this is all in hindsight. If I teared up when I wrote this, does that mean I’m not really healed?
What’s your best advice on healing from these type situations? Ending romances – either voluntarily or involuntarily? Have you done anything crazy while in the “bat shit” stage? Any regrets? What’s one major lesson you learned from your last breakup or separation?
I’m writing about healing all September-long for National Blog Posting Month. Please subscribe (top right hand) or check back for more stories.