Is it true that a man is only a real man if he can take care of his woman financially and provide for all her needs (I.e. bills, clothes, food, shelter, incidentals, etc.)? Never mind if he’s abusive. Can he pay the bills?
This is my mother’s perspective. She’s not alone. Plenty of women feel this way, right? I’m sure many women seek out men who are willing to fully fund their lives, and in turn, some men are happy to take on that role, although often it allows the man to have more control over the relationship. (I think.)
And if by chance you’re dating a man (or worse – you’re married to a man) who can’t cover all expenses for you, your home, your bills (and maybe even your children from a previous relationship) and his, you “tell him to kiss your ass.” Or maybe you just threaten to send him to hell in gasoline drawers.
(As per my mother, who granted – is from a different generation than I am.)
Is sharing the costs of a relationship a relatively new phenomenon? I don’t know too many women who are fully dependent on their man to provide for them, although – again, in some families, the husband wouldn’t have it any other way and both parties are happy with this arrangement. Perhaps it’s just the caliber of woman I know? Were we conditioned to be independent? Or have we just lost out on the men who swoop in and pick up the tab on everything?
Don’t get me wrong. If I were in a situation where my husband took great care of our family financially and I felt secure enough to pursue a writing, teaching and public motivational speaking career, I would. Would I still want to share in the cost of our marriage and lifestyle? Yes. Maybe I’d decorate the house and manage our vacation fund.
Does that make me too independent? Or unable to “let a man be a man?” I think it makes me realistic. And experienced. I bring to the table a proven ability to take care of myself and manage a household. And there’s a certain type of man who will see that as an asset – because in a partnership, it’s nice to know you can rely on your mate to step in and pick up some slack when life throws you curve balls – or when you want to treat yourselves to a super luxury vacation – or when you just have a lot of cash flowing out of your household(s).
So where do you think the balance is as far as a woman sharing the cost of a relationship or marriage? Do you take a more traditional view – that it is solely a man’s job to provide? Or do you feel there is room for a woman to contribute financially to a household and lifestyle? If you are dating someone right now, who picks up the tab when you go on dinner dates? Do you take vacations? Who foots the bill?
And for the men, have you encountered women who expected you to fully pick up the tab on their lives? How did that work out? When dating, how willing are you to foot the bills for your love interest? Is it limited to outings, or do you take on her personal financial responsibilities?