Shit That Happens Behind the Scenes

It’s 11:20pm, and because I signed up for NaBloPoMo (agreeing to write one post a day),  I’m struggling to think of a topic to discuss with you and share it by 12 midnight. There’s always the shit that goes on behind the scenes, but who wants to talk about that?

The issue of friendship has been weighing heavily me these past few days. I’ve gotten really great at managing my expectations of other people and realizing that 9 times out of 10, their bullshit actions aren’t about me. I’ve gotten good at closing doors behind people who decide to walk out of my life – or my social media circle. (Imagine?) And I never look back. Especially when there hasn’t been a conversation or discussion on whatever their issue is. You wanna walk off without explanation? Bye boo.

vickerey-quote-friendship-is-a-million-little-things-blogIt’s rare that I decide to cut ties with friends because I choose them carefully. And they do the same — so they have minimal drama going on. Life will always have its challenges, but I don’t do too well with people who create and enjoy problem situations – or tell me lies. (Whatever you do, don’t freakin lie in my damn face).

That brings me to this question. What do you consider the most important qualities in friends? Off-hand, I’d say Honesty, Compatibility, Consistency, Genuine Intentions, some common interest (I can talk about shopping with some friends, others – fitness. I think we all engage in relationship talk, etc.), open communication and understanding, etc. It takes understanding to recognize and accept other people’s quirks and still love, appreciate and embrace them for who they are.

I’m rarely wrong. I can spot a gem – a diamond in the rough. And I’m loyal to my friends.

But today, I’m doubting myself. Someone I considered a good person is shading me like HELL. Phone calls have gone unanswered and I sent my last text.

Twice in my life – yes, I was very young – I found myself on the floor, holding on to someone’s ankles, and being DRAGGED in my attempt to make them stay. The first time, I was sixteen and begging my boyfriend not to go sell crack. He had just broken the news to me about his new business venture – riding his bicycle around the neighborhood selling drugs.

When people want to walk, let them. And when a “friend” shades you like hell, pay attention to their actions and behavior rather than hold on to a title you gave them, or how forthcoming they were in the past. Key word – past. Actions trump words. Again, it’s a matter of whatever characteristics and actions people need to display to be considered a friend. Is there a match?

We grieve a little when we lose people we care about – and then life goes on. They come back to us in glimpses of memories. But, like in this case I’m describing, unless there’s a valid excuse and an apology, goodbye.

We heal.

The younger version of me would curse their ass out. Look at me blogging instead. (If you know me, you know I can still go all the way OFF. lol)

 

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What do you consider the most important characteristics of friends? What type of actions do you look for to determine the quality of a friendship? Any deal breakers? What do you normally do when someone decides to walk out of your life? Or when they break the tenets of what you consider friendship?



Categories: Blogging, Personal Stories, Random Thoughts, Rants

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

20 replies

  1. I love this post! I agree. Honesty and loyalty is like my pet peeve. I would rather have an honest friend than a shady one. And I can relate to when you said if they want to leave then let them and don’t look back. In the past I had to and it was grievous because my heart was way in it. And that is true that fond memories do come back, but that’s all it is, a memory. I had to learn to let go and move forward. As Captain Kirk would say on Star Trek, thrusters on full! Its sad that a person would just walk off like that. Some how they will see it again (Karma). Now just like that diamond in the ruff, so it is a true friend (like you said). If we so shall ever find one, then we need to cherish that. Nowadays, it is hard to come by.

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    • hey. you’re right. I meet nice, helpful people all the time. (amen!), but finding someone compatible enough to be a long term friend is less easy. genuineness is also at the top of my list. no one walked off on me per se (recently), but I did lose a Facebook follower. (Bye, boo!). And I’m questioning someone’s intentions.

      Like

  2. The post anonymous is me, Lamonte.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Integrity and honesty are both character traits that I require in a friend. Don’t EVER lie to me. I’ll forgive, but I won’t ever forget. Do it more than once … (shrugs) … gotta cut you loose. Too bad, so sad. Cry two tears in a bucket and say f*ck it.

    Your thoughts echo mine in almost lock-step unison. I’ve got a small circle of friends – good, *tight* friends – and I plan on keeping it that way. Everyone else is free to walk away when they choose. Sometimes they get told to kick rocks and other times I’ll leave the door unlocked. It just depends on that person and their prior behavior and actions.

    This was a GOOD read. =)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I don’t do well with manufactured drama. I’ve tried my best to distance myself from those friends. I’m always there for friends encountering legitimate problems in life, though. I value loyalty and honesty in my circle of friends.

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  5. I consider understanding and acceptance to be the most important in friendship. I’m a bit of an oddball so friendships rarely happen without those qualities. Some shared interests are nice, but I’ve found I’m able to be friends without them so long as there is acceptance and understanding.

    Drama doesn’t seem to be too much of a problem for me. Most of my friends don’t bother in that stuff. Or maybe those type of people are rarely attracted to me. Who knows.

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    • Understanding and acceptance are definitely important. I’m an oddball too, so I think we have things in common. lol. As far as drama, I tend to have very little among friends. For some reason, liars, overly negative people, and drama lovers tend to “unfriend” me. And I always do a little dance when they do.

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  6. Honesty, love, loyalty and good intentions are definitely at the top of my list. And I look for actions which display these characteristics. Deal breakers are jealousy and dishonesty (im sure there are others that are not coming to mind right now). If a person decides to walk, then I let them. I’m not trying to convince anyone that i need or want them. Cant hold on to someone who doesnt want to be held. My motto is “what difference have you made in my life that it would affect me when your gone?”. If the answer is none, then tootles.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Agreed. So feel you on this. I used to take it personal when people ignored me, etc. Now I see them for who they are and keep it moving. I have to say though, that the core group of people I consider friends are supportive. You and I hadn’t connected in YEARS but when we did, we both realized that we could have a friendship.

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  7. Honesty and openness. If I can’t share real feelings without it not being corny or not manly enough then you’re just an acquaintance. That’s why I used to like that show “Men of a Certain Age”.

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  8. Loyalty is number one because for me everything else is a sub chapter of what being loyal is.

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  9. First of all I want to say I can relate to all of your blogs. It’s so amazing! Anyway, I don’t have friends. I have more male friends than female. They don’t nag and I don’t have to worry about the drama. It’s an advantage especially when it comes to relationships and so on….. Sometimes I do sit and think about why I don’t have friends but it doesn’t last long.

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