I ordered wide, flat noodles, with Chinese broccoli, eggs, and chicken with special thai sauce. Definitely too high of a carb count for my fitness goals, but very tasty nonetheless. The MSG had me feeling a bit off-balance though.
Anyway, I’ve digressed before I even started.
“A woman should only marry a man who is WAAAYY more in love with her than she is with him. Because the minute you’re head over heels for a guy, you start calling saying ‘hey, I heard about this really nice jazz festival.’ And he’s like (deep voice) ‘Yea, well call me later and I’ll let you know.”
This was a conversation I had after a Thai lunch with a co-worker, who also went on to say that women will typically warm up and fall in love with a man over time, whether she’s initially head over heels or not. I agree. That happens.
My sentiment is that I deserve AMAZING. I want to wake up every morning and feel as if my life is better because my significant other is in it – because he brings out the very best in me. I put a textgram (picture) on Instagram this morning that read “Falling in love with the right person is like having a daily reawakening.” My caption underneath the image read “Like DNA explosions that propel you toward your purpose in life. Because he/ she makes you better.”
And before that, I wrote in my notebook (while I was supposed to be WORKING), “I’m just imagining the possibilities. But I don’t really feel them in my soul. In order for those possibilities to manifest, I need to really feel them. The amazingness. The DNA explosions. The awakening over and over again. If I don’t feel that, I’m settling.”
Her comments led me to ask, “So I’m asking too much?”
She responded, “Yes. Amazing is hard to find. That’s like going to a corner store and asking if they have apple-carrot-ginger juice. Every corner store won’t have it, but if you want an Arizona ice tea, you can easily get that. There are plenty of those in all the corner stores.”
I said, “But I don’t like Arizona ice tea. And if I’m bourgeois about what I eat and drink, you know I’m picky about men.”
She said what I want is out there, but it’s extremely hard to find. “You can find apple-carrot-ginger juice, You have to be patient. Most people just wind up saying ‘Well, he’s ok. I guess I’ll stick with him.’”
Really? Most people settle for decent, knowing it’s not what they prefer?
SO…
How often do you think it is that we find AMAZING in a romantic partner? Is that amazingness worth waiting for, or it is logical and or more realistic to just fall for the one who falls for you (once he or she has jumped through hoops to prove themselves)? What do you classify as “settling?”
Categories: Advice, Narratives
Creepy Ass Liar – No Date 
Pain is Pain – Conversation With A Transgender Woman 
My Female Persuasion 
1) I’m a hopeless romantic therefore I feel it’s going to happen for sure at least once.
2) I think amazingness is worth waiting for. Why settle for the logical and more realistic? You may be safe, but you may spend the rest of your life wondering what if? Why get good when you can get great?
Here’s a blog post I think can help:
http://tinylittlestars.wordpress.com/2013/05/21/soulmates/
3) I think settling is when you decide to take what you get. It may not necessarily be what you want but it works. You don’t hate it but you don’t love it either.
Hope this helps!
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Great response. Thanks! When I get a chance, I’ll read your piece and link it to this one!
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I love this topic! I think that a person should wait. Some people like to think that it is a fairytail and that it cannot happen. I totatly disagree!! I know of one couple that has been married since they have gotten out of high school. 20 years later still married and happy. It is evident that they have have found amazingness in each other. My thing is this, if we settle, then sometimes the person winds up being unhappy or wishing they have waited for that one. For instance some look for their ” type” and decide to settle for what they have. Example intellectual type body type etc.
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Thank you! I agree. Oftentimes settling leads to misery somewhere down the road. No one is perfect, so I don’t have that expectation, but I think connecting spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physical makes for that amazingness I’m speaking of.
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Digressing straight off the back lol.
This can be advice that men take too. This is 1 of those things which goes both ways
(falling in love with someone who doesn’t quite reciprocate).
As for waiting; I wouldn’t advocate that.
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Haha. 😉 I agree this works both ways. And why don’t you advocate waiting, SocialKenny?
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Lol why don’t I advocate waiting? 1 simple reason; life is short. This 1 simple reason outweighs any other factor in life. I’m not saying to jump into any old situation, but it’s better to take risks and chances than to wait in your safety net and hope that Mr. Right will come along.
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Oh ok. I advocate dating and giving people a chance, but not settling just because he/she likes you and they’re “ok.” If you know what you want, and you’re bringing great things to the table too, be discerning.
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I think hope can be cruel and senseless.
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In some ways. I think life is generally worse without it though -unless you really don’t care. Very interesting idea. Thanks for commenting.
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Sorry my last comment was shitty. I wanted to just say all my friends married the safe guy and I held out wo actually going out. Did not do myself any favors.
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Oh ok. Thanks for updating. Safe is good sometimes. It depends on what you want/ need at that stage of your life. At this point, I can get companionship and sex if I want it, but as far as committing long term or getting married, I want a true and exceptional partnership that makes me better and stronger than I am as one. Most people I’ve said this to think I’m being unrealistic. I don’t think so.
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I have a great psychic if you want her name.
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That’s interesting. Why would you recommend her? Did you find her useful?
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I think it all depends on perspective. . .what’s ‘AMAZING’ 10 years ago is DEFINITELY different than what is AMAAAAAAZANG today. People change through their life experiences and sadly don’t stay amazing. Amazing is when you’ve been through ‘enough’ with others and ready to ‘work on amazing’ together every single damn day!!
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Thanks for chiming in! Very true. People change and amazing still takes work and a certain level of commitment! Also, everyone’s definition of an amazing relationship is different.
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I want to wake up next to the person that makes me feel AMAZING, knowing that we are growing, loving and dedicated to making it work. Anything less is settling, and in between is dating. I’ve settled before and although I have two beautiful kids as a result, I can do “average/ok” all by myself.
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Ok so I’m not crazy!!!! Whew! Those are my sentiments exactly. Thanks for chiming in. Why keep settling for less? Not that you can’t date POTENTIAL candidates in the meantime.
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@Ladeeta, I love the last line. Exactly.
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I think amazing is worth waiting for because only you will know what amazing is. Different people have certain standards that they look for in someone. Also, some people have unrealistic expectations. You can’t be a broke hood rat and expect someone with his shit together to wife you up. You can’t be a broke dude living at his parent’s house expecting dimes. What you bring to the game, will always be what you get out of it.
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Hey. Exactly. I know what I bring to the table. I am above average. Period. And yes, everyone has different standards and different ideas on what “amazing” is. If your partner doesn’t upgrade you, he or she is downgrading you. Been there.
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Love that last line.
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My topic 🙂 You can find amazing connection, call it soul mate or whatever you like. There isn’t only one in the world, but yes great matches do exist for all of us. As you and others noted too – finding an amazing other who fits you well happens when you have something amazing to give to them too. Perfect match is someone who is compatible with you. Then you can be happy together and grow together. And feel like true partners. The prince won’t be interested if he doesn’t see you as a princess 🙂
Other thing – should you settle? That’s a question of whether you want love or just a relationship. For me it was never an option – I just couldn’t be happy with someone I couldn’t connect with deeply. I’d much rather be alone. If you’re like that too, it’s very very hard to settle. It just feels fake, you feel fake doing it – so it’s worse than being single.
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I love your description of a perfect match and great partnership. That’s exactly what I’m talking about. It becomes even more important once you’ve settled before and know what it’s like. I agree, both parties should be bringing traits, ideas, motivation, etc to the relationship to compliment and balance one another out. And yes, settling and being unhappy is worse than being single (emotionally).
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I was raised on 90’s romcoms and finding that “amazing” kind of love, that movie love was always a goal for me. So I found someone amazing, I found my movie love but it didn’t work out. You know how whenever someone asks who your perfect mate would be, you tend to rattle off items from a previously formed list. This girl fit almost every item and the more time I spent with her (almost 8 years) the more I realized that she just wasn’t part of the lost, she was the list – she was perfect.
But it didn’t work out and now I find myself a bit disillusioned and much more cynical. Maybe amazing isn’t everything. Maybe sometimes you need to settle for something less that will work than hold out for that movie love you think you’ll find.
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Sounds like you met a great woman, especially because you still speak highly of her qualities. I’m one of those people who feel if you found it once, you can find it again, only next time, the person will be more fitting to you. That can only happen if you’re open to it. There are tons of reasons to settle for less than your ideal partner. Depends on where you are in life and what you want, and what you bring to the table.
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