Remember the post I wrote a while ago titled Ladies: Our Male Friends Have Motives? About a long-time male friend who asked me to consider a serious relationship with him? And a series of dates that stopped short of romance?
Well here’s a short recap of a few issues I laid out:
- Dating standards
- Male friends who try to move out of the friend zone and into a romantic relationship
- How long is too long to be single?
I was thrilled to receive so many interesting comments from readers. (Thanks everyone!) I’m highlighting a couple of responses that addressed the issue of how long is too long when it comes to being single.
Laurie Harriton, my high school drama teacher, offered this advice:
A year and a half is NOTHiNG for being single. Your friend is trying to get a rise out of you by needling what he correctly intuits is an insecure spot in your otherwise powerful persona. If he gets no response, he will stop. All the fun will be gone. He is SO wrong that the only correct response is a gentle laugh, and the words, “It’s not long. I’m cool with exploring till I find the right match.” You’ve got your family, your education, and your good job! The only use you have for a man is love, laughter, and intellectual stimulation. If you want sex, you can get it by snapping your fingers. if you want an overpowering romantic experience that flips you out and then goes nowhere, you can snap your fingers twice. But if you want a real life companion, you need to chill. You have TIME not to settle for less, and it takes time. RELAX….
I felt so empowered by this response that I immediately started snapping my fingers after reading it!!!
Petralovecoach, a UK-based life and relationship coach offered this advice:
My opinion: a year and a half of singleness is not too long… it does not mean there is something wrong with you, or your choice of men. Being attractive does not land you back-to-back boyfriends – unless you are really needy and extremely non-picky. Besides, being single until you are sure what you are looking for is good… we need some time between relationships to heal, as well as analyse what and why we want different next time. On the other hand, when I read the descriptions of all the men you have considered – they do seem like a pretty random bunch… seems like you don’t have a problem meeting guys, which is great – half the job done But, if you are looking for something serious, try defining what is it that makes you and keeps you “high” long term, what is it that you really need, what makes you feel good in a relationship… it will clear the way to get the right guy faster, and minimise wasting your time on people you don’t have potential with… if you want to minimise it. Also, try to think about what you willing to give and invest into a relationship… and does it match your demands. Someone who will fit you well will have similar values and admire similar qualities in you that you like in him. Hope this helps add a bit of clarity. Cheers and good luck!
I agree with both perspectives. A year and a half is not too long to be single. Although I want a committed relationship at some point, my standards aren't going anywhere, and there's no reason for me to rush out and get a man today. Being single has its benefits. As Petralovecoach stated, time in between romantic relationships is necessary for healing. Time is also useful for reassessing what it is you want in a partner and what you have to offer someone. I know exactly which traits to appreciate in a partner who will keep me on a sustainable, natural high and I have no intention on settling for less. Ideally, he will admire similar traits in me. (I'm getting excited thinking about it!)
For the first time in a while, I actually SEE men. It's nothing for several men to tell me that I'm beautiful on a given day. But instead just saying thank you and hurrying along without making eye contact, I say it with a half smile and an acknowledgement. Now, I can spot a man and say to myself "hmmm, hes cute" and salivate a bit with a kind of wide-eye, rather than keeping a straight face. I never approach men, but I can give "the look" if I want to. I'm more aware of the refreshing scent of great cologne.
Now back to Laurie's comment. Love, laughter and intellectual stimulation sound so enticing. (Snap, snap, snap!!!) Even more enticing, is the idea of having all that with a life partner. 🙂 Snapping once might be really convenient. Hmmm. If I snap two or more times, I could get all caught up in a passionate love affair, forgetting that– Well, never mind. In the meantime, SNAPS!!!
Shout out to all my single ladies! Chill. RELAX. Snap your fingers! Keep your standards high. Enjoy yourselves! You will attract what you want soon enough.
And to all happily involved or married ladies, continue to love, honor and cherish your mate!
Click here to read Ladies: Our Male Friends Have Motives.
If you like this post, please feel free to leave thoughts or comments. They are much appreciated.