I’m Engaged! Haters Gonna Hate?

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I would imagine that if or when I’m really engaged, people in my (very small) circle would be happy for me. Actually, I’m sure they would. But, tbh (to be honest), we all know people who can only muster up happiness for others if things are going stellar in their own lives. Not realizing that the more genuine, positive vibes you share – the more they come back to you! So I give little focus to Negative Nellies.

That brings me to a really funny parody video a friend shared with me last night: ‘The Crazy Thoughts Every Single Girl Has When Her Friend Gets Engaged’ – about two single women who are hating on their newly engaged girlfriend and wondering how the hell she got chosen, when no one is checking for them.

Here are some choice words they shared about their fictional acquaintance after learning of her status via Facebook:

How the f*ck did this happen?

I mean, what are we doing wrong?

Will we ever find love?

Why would anyone wanna marry her? Look at us – we’re f*cking gorgeous!

Ooh, I wonder if she’ll choose me as a bridesmaid!

Funny? I did laugh when the subject of ‘wedding boards’ on Pinterest came up at 00:53.  (I have one too!)

Let me say for the record that I think most women are happy for their friends’ happiness and are excited to share in others’ joy. And for that reason, I found little humor in the negative stereotypes perpetuated in this video. At the same time, It’s human nature to think about how we stack up to others, whether we’re single, married, divorced or whatever.

Wait, who’s seen the movie 27 Dresses? It’s a romantic comedy about a young woman who is always a bridesmaid (27 times!), but never a bride. Then her sister got engaged to the man she was secretly in love with. I sat on my living room sofa in the dark and cried when I saw the film back in 2008, partly because I was lonely in a long-term, committed relationship and craving the same thing Jane (the main character) was – a nurturing, thriving, exciting, growing partnership. But instead I felt stifled and unfulfilled.

I’ve digressed. It’s okay to ponder other people’s business (we all do it to some degree), but hateration – if I may, and jealousy, are ugly animals. And being an optimist, I’d like to think that most functioning adults are too absorbed in their own lives to expend energy tearing down newly engaged friends – unless they’re emotionally unstable or flat out miserable.

Does it make me weird that I’m more inclined to think about a couples’ “relationship process” than I am to compare myself to another seemingly happy woman while harboring negative feelings? I’m more likely to wonder about the obstacles and compromises that led to where they are now. The joys, the decisions, the chemistry, the timing… And this — is why I’ve been reading wedding blogs about people’s journey to the alter. The stories are entertaining and inspiring. I like to see what color schemes they come up with. What themes they choose. How long it took for the men to propose. 6 months? Ten years? How long is too long to wait? Destination wedding or local? Church or garden? Witnessing happiness makes me happy.

Believe me, I think on these things briefly for the most part (or I engage in my pinning obsession), and sometimes I write on such topics. Duh! I’m a relationship blogger! But more often than not, I’m documenting my own process. Like – daily, on napkins, post-it notes, in my head, out loud to my significant other… and I share some of that randomness on this blog.

Initially, I I thought it was fitting that I insert Jill Scott’s song “Hate on Me” here since I’ll continue to focus on the lovers going forward (and I like the song, so I’m leaving it).

But, mainly I want to leave you with this: love and positivity will heavily outweigh passive aggressive comments or negative vibes from cynical friends, family, or acquaintances who will either come around or remain miserable. What’s meant for you will be, and you’re worthy of great things. So, again, focus on love. ♥♥


What advice would you give people who sit on the sidelines being jealous of others they presume are happier in love, unworthy of being loved, engaged, married, successful, better looking, etc? Have you had someone project these feelings onto you? Have you lost friends due to your engagement or marriage? How would you handle people’s negative attitudes towards your success or happiness? Do you have feelings of jealousy when friends get into thriving relationships and you’re single and or unhappy? How do you manage?



Categories: Advice, Blogging, Videos

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21 replies

  1. This confused me completely, Prudence. Why would anyone hate you for being engaged? Has that actually happened yet? I think NOT. So WHY ARE YOU PRESUMING IT WILL? This shows nothing but how YOUR mind is working. There is no reason to presume anything but that your friends and acquaintances will be thrilled for you. A couple of my friends said, “Oh no,will I see less of you?” I assued them they would not–Peter understood their importance to me. Otherwise, accross the board, everone was thrilled. People rise up to YOUR expectations. Expect the best from your friends, give them your best, and they will come through.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow. Interesting response! I feel like I should scrap this entire post. Because I thought I made it clear that I’m optimistic about most people being too absorbed in their own lives to hate on others, and that regardless of how naysayers feel – love, happiness and positivity outweigh all that. As far as expecting friends to be happy for me, I generally expect that they will be but I don’t put too much weight on that. I’m doing what will make ME happy. Clearly, my points could have been better outlined – or you read it differently than intended.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree with you Prudence! We don’t want our friends to envy a situation like that but tbh….. They do! This happen to me when I got promoted on my job. This particular girl was happy when I told her I’m not accepting the position, but when I changed my mind, and I told her I was late because I accepted it….she didn’t talk to me for 2 months! To make a long story short, when she finally got promoted, she was so damn happy! I felt like she wasn’t there for me. So I know what you’re talking about! Been there, done that!

    Not only that, a longtime friend of mine was acting funny towards me when I was engaged to be married…. Later she confessed and told me she was jealous.😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow. It does happen! It’s a reality. I felt like I shouldn’t have given this topic any attention based on a lengthy discussion I had about it today, but I’m glad it’s relatable. And I hope people get the positive aspect – focus on the love you get.

      Like

  3. Let me add… When they start talking negative about your blessing….it’s hate!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. And that’s the bottom line. What is for you is for you.
    Focus on love. Make sure that it is mutual and reciprocated. Because it is a sad and miserable thing to have love going out from one individual and not returned.
    So yes focus on love in all facets.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. That was me Pru. Lamonte under anonymous.

    Like

  6. I find this hilarious because i have witnessed this behavior lol. You know when u are happy its always has to be someone who has something negative to say its so sad. You block your blessings like that smh

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I see exactly what you mean in this post. Please do NOT erase this as it brings up so many interesting points. I have seen this happen in my own life and in the lives of my friends. Women, especially. Instead of being genuinely happy for the progress or achievements that other women are experiencing, some choose to cloak it over with negativity. It’s funny. You expect friends to be happy for you when something happens to you that makes you very happy…and when they don’t, it’s a trip! I agree with your response to the last comment – focus on those who are happy and supportive of you. Naysayers do exist but all you can control is your reaction to them!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for chiming in! I found out over the course of the day that MANY people could relate to this post from personal experiences. I even posted it in a marriage group on fb and got plenty of responses from men and women. I did revise the post to clarify that I don’t think MOST women behave this way, some people (men and women) do. But the scenario is real!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I have a few people I would consider to be my friends. All of us are in relationships. We don’t talk about relationships. It’s ironic because people that I don’t know email me for relationship advice all day haha. With my friends, I distance myself from any relationship drama they may have. It has nothing to do with me so I stay away. At the end of the day, your loyalty will be to your significant other so I’m not going to try and get in between that. I want nothing but the best for them.

    If you’re upset because someone else is in a relationship it’s time to reevaluate your life. It’s no one fault by your own if you’re single. Plenty of opportunity to do what you need if you want to be in a relationship.

    I plan on getting engaged this year. I haven’t thought about people hating because I don’t care about stuff like that. If you feel some type of way that’s on you. Not going to change what happens anyway.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Totally cool! Thanks for the link!

    Like

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