I would imagine that if or when I’m really engaged, people in my (very small) circle would be happy for me. Actually, I’m sure they would. But, tbh (to be honest), we all know people who can only muster up happiness for others if things are going stellar in their own lives. Not realizing that the more genuine, positive vibes you share – the more they come back to you! So I give little focus to Negative Nellies.
That brings me to a really funny parody video a friend shared with me last night: ‘The Crazy Thoughts Every Single Girl Has When Her Friend Gets Engaged’ – about two single women who are hating on their newly engaged girlfriend and wondering how the hell she got chosen, when no one is checking for them.
Here are some choice words they shared about their fictional acquaintance after learning of her status via Facebook:
How the f*ck did this happen?
I mean, what are we doing wrong?
Will we ever find love?
Why would anyone wanna marry her? Look at us – we’re f*cking gorgeous!
Ooh, I wonder if she’ll choose me as a bridesmaid!
Funny? I did laugh when the subject of ‘wedding boards’ on Pinterest came up at 00:53. (I have one too!)
Let me say for the record that I think most women are happy for their friends’ happiness and are excited to share in others’ joy. And for that reason, I found little humor in the negative stereotypes perpetuated in this video. At the same time, It’s human nature to think about how we stack up to others, whether we’re single, married, divorced or whatever.
Wait, who’s seen the movie 27 Dresses? It’s a romantic comedy about a young woman who is always a bridesmaid (27 times!), but never a bride. Then her sister got engaged to the man she was secretly in love with. I sat on my living room sofa in the dark and cried when I saw the film back in 2008, partly because I was lonely in a long-term, committed relationship and craving the same thing Jane (the main character) was – a nurturing, thriving, exciting, growing partnership. But instead I felt stifled and unfulfilled.
I’ve digressed. It’s okay to ponder other people’s business (we all do it to some degree), but hateration – if I may, and jealousy, are ugly animals. And being an optimist, I’d like to think that most functioning adults are too absorbed in their own lives to expend energy tearing down newly engaged friends – unless they’re emotionally unstable or flat out miserable.
Does it make me weird that I’m more inclined to think about a couples’ “relationship process” than I am to compare myself to another seemingly happy woman while harboring negative feelings? I’m more likely to wonder about the obstacles and compromises that led to where they are now. The joys, the decisions, the chemistry, the timing… And this — is why I’ve been reading wedding blogs about people’s journey to the alter. The stories are entertaining and inspiring. I like to see what color schemes they come up with. What themes they choose. How long it took for the men to propose. 6 months? Ten years? How long is too long to wait? Destination wedding or local? Church or garden? Witnessing happiness makes me happy.
Believe me, I think on these things briefly for the most part (or I engage in my pinning obsession), and sometimes I write on such topics. Duh! I’m a relationship blogger! But more often than not, I’m documenting my own process. Like – daily, on napkins, post-it notes, in my head, out loud to my significant other… and I share some of that randomness on this blog.
Initially, I I thought it was fitting that I insert Jill Scott’s song “Hate on Me” here since I’ll continue to focus on the lovers going forward (and I like the song, so I’m leaving it).
But, mainly I want to leave you with this: love and positivity will heavily outweigh passive aggressive comments or negative vibes from cynical friends, family, or acquaintances who will either come around or remain miserable. What’s meant for you will be, and you’re worthy of great things. So, again, focus on love. ♥♥
What advice would you give people who sit on the sidelines being jealous of others they presume are happier in love, unworthy of being loved, engaged, married, successful, better looking, etc? Have you had someone project these feelings onto you? Have you lost friends due to your engagement or marriage? How would you handle people’s negative attitudes towards your success or happiness? Do you have feelings of jealousy when friends get into thriving relationships and you’re single and or unhappy? How do you manage?