Why would you need me when you have a woman (and children) at home?
Just to backtrack, I had several missed calls from a friend over the past couple of weeks. I called back yesterday and found out he wanted to revise his resume for him. In addition to his fiancée, there are plenty of professional establishments that offer that service.
I have nothing against helping friends and I’m sure people who know me would agree.
But — this is the same guy I wrote about in Ladies: Our Male Friends Have Motives. The one who tried to convince me that I have issues because I’m single. He was in his feelings.
I’m not here to bash anyone; however, he did prompt this Facebook status today:
Ever notice those people who view you solely as a resource, but disguise their intentions as friendship? Yea, they gotta go.
Hit you up when they need something, but no other time? Yea, them. They gotta go.
I am multi-talented (FACT), but not here for BS. Nexxttt!!!
While he doesn’t ask for favors on a regular basis (hardly ever), I still felt some type of way.
That led me to this thought (again): male friends do have motives. Many men disapprove of their women having male friends because they feel that man is just waiting on the sidelines for the opportunity to have sexual relations with their wife/ girl.
I say this – there is some truth to that (because plenty of men – Not all, will take the cake if offered), but if that woman is smart, or resourceful in some way, they may be more likely to just keep her in mind for if/ when they need a favor. That I can’t deal with.
That led me to this thought. A lot of women, myself included, have cherished male friends for the comfort they provide. (And NOT attention, because I can get that anywhere.) Sometimes we like having the male perspective, or we appreciate the lack of competition, jealousy, and hateration that female friends can bring. Male friends can be a stress reliever – that non-judgemental, unbiased voice of reason. Or maybe they’re knowledgeable or helpful. Or consider this – there are true, genuine people in the world, and a lot of them are men. (I’m blessed to know a few.)
But at the same time – and I thought about this in bed last night – over sharing with male friends can reduce the sanctity of your relationship with your OWN man, who should really be your rock and your go-to person at the end of the day. That person who you bare it all too. The man you commit to should be the one you share those intimate sides of yourself with. If communication and commitment are strong enough, you don’t need another man to fill your emotional voids.
Do I know a few males whom I feel sincerely have my best interest in mind and have been supportive since day one without coming at me sideways? Yes. Respectful enough to never interfere with my relationship or pry into intimate details? Yes. Upstanding? Yes. And they can also meet my significant other with no problem. (Stick with me y’all. I’m still single, but I’m saying WHEN I have a man! I’m optimistic!) I’m willing to give up the stragglers for him – and keep the tried and true.
Since I said “no” to revising that resume, I’m sure my friend may be feeling some type of way. But I am not here for the sole purpose of being a resource (unless I’m getting paid). What’s done is done.
I’m ready (yet single and free to talk to whoever I want! Lol). Rant done!
Have you ever felt used by someone who masqueraded their intentions as friendship? How did you handle it? What do you think about drawing boundaries in relationships (with same or opposite sex)? Do you think there are ulterior motives when it comes to friends of the opposite sex?