How much success have you had in your dating life? Is it rewarding? Fun? Have you found love? First off, contrary to what many women have conditioned themselves to believe, there are tons of great men out there.
And still, I promote that working on being your best self, doing things you enjoy, and having fun dating are tantamount to finding joy (and a man if you want one) during the single stages. We’ve all been there right?
With that, I’ll leave you with a few nuggets that might help you along your dating journey :
1) Focus on the positive. Write a list of things you like about every man you agree to go out with – after the first conversation. When you hang out, you’ll already have a starting point for expanding on that list, or crossing things off. If you have nothing positive to say, or he doesn’t meet your expectations — next! Some say everyone deserves a second date unless the first one was horrible. That’s your call. The point being, the more you focus on what you DO want, the more of those things will come your way (life advice).
2) Be flexible. “What happened to spontaneity? Is it dead?,” someone recently asked in response to my poll about kissing. Forget the rules when appropriate, and honor what feels right. Because there are no hard and fast rules.
3) Be confident. In order to be confident, you have to look and feel your best. This is not to say that men won’t approach you on your worst day, because they do! Whether or not you’re wearing makeup, your best outfit, hairstyle, etc. (And I’m usually still caught off guard.) But play up your best features. Engage in activities that make you happy, because happiness is attractive. If you have areas for self-improvement, tackle them. Confidence is sexy!
4) Take L’s (losses). You’ll have instances where you meet a guy and sparks start to fly, and he seems great in several ways (he’s funny, he’s tall, he has rock hard abs, he’s engaging, smells irresistible — or whatever!), but then he doesn’t call, or doesn’t ask you out again! Ladies, it’s simple. He’s not too stressed. He hasn’t lost your number or your Facebook name. He’s just not into you and has decided not to move forward – for whatever reason. Take the L, and keep it moving – without trying to call him and reconcile what went wrong, or complaining too long about not getting closure. The negativity will weigh you down. If you need to chalk it up to him being an asshole, feel free to do that. (He may very well be.) It’s his loss because you prefer a man who can communicate. If the same scenario keeps playing out, revaluate yourself.
5) Be receptive. Remember the guy who stood you up? Or the one who sold you grandiose dreams when he really wanted sex? The relationship you over-invested in? What about the guy you thought was “the one” – until he disappeared from Earth, never to be heard from again? Or the liar who turned out to be married? Yea, him. Don’t bring that loser and your heavy baggage on a date with the new guy. Trust is definitely earned, but every new man deserves a clean slate. I’m the Queen of red flags (I wrote about a couple of dates that didn’t even happen, here and here.), but we can’t hold what the last man did against the next man. You meet a great guy? Cool! He wants to be nice to you? Awesome. Be receptive to that. Think positively, because a closed heart won’t allow love in. If you can’t help but lump ALL MEN in the same behaviorial category, you’re not ready to date. Go back to the drawing board.
These are no surefire ways to get a man, but dating is a process and our overall attitudes and approach are what make it valuable and rewarding. Always remember, you are the common denominator.
*************
Opinions? Any other tips you’d like to add? What do you think is the biggest barrier or challenge for women who are single and dating? What needs to change? Both the male and female perspective are welcome.
For more on relationships, follow me on Facebook!
Related articles
- 10 Dating Commandments For The Modern Man (thoughtcatalog.com)
Categories: Advice
Sounds like great advice to me! Great job hun.
LikeLike
Thank you! ^.^
LikeLike
Really good game here. I want to add that on the first few dates women shouldn’t take food to go. It makes you look low budget
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hey, thanks! That’s a good tip. No doggy bags. I had a guy ask me that once because I left the rice on the plate. “You taking that to go?”
LikeLike
Yeah that was a little test. Some women get caught up with making the meal their trophy so they want to take it home even if it’s 2 spoonfuls of rice. I’ve had women take food to go and ask for ranch and hot sauce lol. I never spoke to them again.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lolllllll. You have me cracking up. That’s pretty funny.
LikeLike
Wow! I’m shocked @ your rules about kissing and spontaneity. Seems like someone’s been reading my blog ;).
That’s just the point I wanted to tackle. Kissing should be spontaneous especially for guys who are super uncomfortable with it. A guy like I am, I can get away with the planned kiss which will definitely come off as spontaneous still.
LikeLike
If it’s good for your ego, you can take some credit! 🙂
I cringe at the idea of people I don’t know trying to kiss me. But intimacy means different things to different people so there’s no hard and fast rule; everyone should do what floats their boat. Hey, maybe I’ll get caught off guard one day in a really good way and just go with the flow. Never know!
LikeLike
Exactly! That is 1 point I been trying to communicate for a year now is that spontaneous shit could catch women so off guard that it rattles them in a good way! And I know you like to throw this in there, “especially if she’s into the guy”.
As long as a girl is into a guy, there’s hardly anything he can do to mess it up unless he comes off as too night, too friendly, too safe…But as long as he takes risks, he can’t do much wrong, especially if the girl is into him
LikeLike
I can’t disagree with you. (That’s odd!) BUT — who’s THAT into a guy on a first date that he can do no wrong? I usually have to go home and marinate on it. Lol
LikeLike
Lol I hear you. To flip that script, we usually attract the girl way ahead of time before a date. Most guys want to wait until date time to get the ball rolling instead of revving it up from the instance he meets the girl.
LikeLike
Hmm. I see that. In my experience, that’s true re waiting til first date. And honestly I get bored because most aren’t really savvy with conversation. If he can keep me engaged, he’s winning a little.
LikeLike
Ok cool I got a question for you now. How would you and I be on a date 🙂 ? Seriously! I’m not talking about some new scenario but just as we are right now knowing what we know and the general up and down vibe. How would a date go?
LikeLike
I wouldn’t go on a date with you!! If I’m judging by your approach to women and your general views (duh, I read your blog). That wasn’t meant to be offensive. But — I’ll give you a positive point – you ask questions about whatever you don’t understand or agree with. Curiosity scores points bc some guys come across as know-it-alls with nothing else learn. And you read my blog, so you know the stuff you try will get you karate chopped.
LikeLike
Oh wow, here it is I’m proposing a date in cyberspace with a chick and she just rejected me in front of hundreds of ppl reading this right now. I put my heart on the line and you squashed it. I guess this’ what rejection feels like to the average guy? #JustSaying
LikeLike
hahaha yeah man
LikeLike
Reema, you are such an instigator!
LikeLike
Lol
LikeLike
🙂 Been a while Reema. Where have you been, down in Panama still? I think you had commented on a post of mines last night but got lost in the haze of comments.
LikeLike
That was completely a hypothetical question. Stop making it seem otherwise!! Lol
LikeLike
Understood. I should’ve inserted the “hypothetical”. But if I was in the city, that would’ve been a massive blow…I guess 🙂
LikeLike
Yes. Thanks for clarifying that you are in a different country. 🙂
LikeLike
On a serious note, I hear you though. I try to keep a balance of being humble also. I hate know-it-alls. I’m still learning in life- period. And I do see myself getting karate kicked on a date with you for trying to work some pickup magic and put you under some hypnotic spell 😆
LikeLike
Lollllllll. That’s funny. And yea, despite your eccentric views, you stay curious. Thanks for chiming in.
LikeLike
What’s good playa…I’m still reading the pua game
LikeLike
Ok cool. You’re the OG of game so the learning is mutual. Didn’t you say you’re in Panama or something for vacation?
LikeLike
I was in Belize..that’s where my family is from. I want to hit up panama though. It’s not expense and I’m hearing good things.
LikeLike
Good stuff!
LikeLike
Thanks girl!
LikeLike
Thanks for your great information, the contents are quiet interesting.I will be waiting for your next post.
first date questions
LikeLike
A woman should not feel depressed when a man does not respond and rejects her for no reason.
Check out http://datingtipsforher.net
LikeLike