When was the last time you went “bat shit” crazy for someone? What did you do? Go into stalker mode? (Not hard to do with social media.) Key someone’s car? Pee on your ex’s personal belongings?
Well now that I’m healed, I can talk about that time I went off the deep end for this guy named Prince. Actually, that’s a gross overstatement (I only went slightly nuts), and – I’ve already written about him several times on topics such as dating younger men (here and here), falling in love with his language, and sexual foreplay (still a fave of mine).
Back to the deep end. I didn’t do anything outside the usual losing sleep, going through emotional withdrawal, thinking the situation to death, etc. There was that one time I sped out of a parking lot and raced down random streets when he tried to get out of my car — but I was only trying to get his attention by holding him hostage!
Healing
On the road to healing, I wrote a lot about dating and relationships. Prince practically forced me to start this blog. That was during my falling stage, when we texted non-stop and broke day making out in my car several times.
I ended the relationship because he clearly told me it wasn’t going anywhere serious (so why would I continue to invest emotions and resources?) and regretted it later. I missed him. After a year or so of him going to the military, I began going on sporadic dates. None led to lasting romance, but I wrote plenty of funny stories.
Okay, I’m realizing I have no riveting anecdotes for this piece. Forgive me! I’m up writing at 4am.
Emotional healing comes with time. Mine started when he called me to announce his status as “dad-to-be.” We were friends. He trusted me. Of course he told he impregnated this woman overseas. Of course I cared. Of course I felt like someone punched me in the chest and knocked the wind out of me. A stiff knot swelled in my throat. I drove through Brooklyn hyperventilating! “Congratulations. Are you happy?” I asked. He mentioned that he loved her to death.
Lessons
I learned that it’s easy to care for a passionate, supportive, motivating, communicative man who brings out the best in me. I learned to stop assuming people knew how I really felt about them, just based on actions. Actions are most important, but verbal communication goes hand in hand. Maybe he’s learned to stop sending mixed signals too. Um hmm.
Anyway, my advice on coming back from bat shit crazy:
- Disconnect from the person on social media
- Give yourself time to heal. Don’t put a rush on jumping into another “situation” (assuming you’re single).
- Fall back and stop communicating. It’s hard to get over someone you’re in constant contact with (assuming you don’t have children in common).
- Talk to your bestie if venting helps.
- Trust the process.
Mind you, this is all in hindsight. If I teared up when I wrote this, does that mean I’m not really healed?
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Questions
What’s your best advice on healing from these type situations? Ending romances – either voluntarily or involuntarily? Have you done anything crazy while in the “bat shit” stage? Any regrets? What’s one major lesson you learned from your last breakup or separation?
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I’m writing about healing all September-long for National Blog Posting Month. Please subscribe (top right hand) or check back for more stories.
Categories: Advice, NaBloPoMo, Personal Stories
My Female Persuasion 
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I don’t have any advice because I’m still trying to completely heal u just made me realize that maybe I shouldn’t date
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Sometimes it’s hard to give other ppl a fair chance during the healing process. You’re always comparing. An ex female friend once told me that you never completely get over your last relationship until you meet someone who makes you forget. I disagree with that. I haven’t met any special interest. I think it takes time and the willingness to assess yourself.
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Thank you for commenting!
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I never assume someone is into me unless they explicitly say it. Mostly, it’s because I’m terrible at noticing when someone is flirting with me. These days, the only way I know is if, at the mention of my boyfriend, they find a reason to end the conversation and walk away. If they stick around, I can assume we were just having a friendly chat.
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Sometimes it’s hard to tell. But I find that men will usually tell me. They start by asking if I’m single, and following up with “WHY are you single?”
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All valid points on getting over a breakup. For me the best way to get over a breakup is to really not have and pity party and not think about the good times. Usually when it’s over you just think about all the great times you had and it makes it hard to get over everything. You still want to contact them and try to make things work.
I’ve never went crazy or stalked an ex. I think it’s because I haven’t had a lot of long term relationships. I’ve only been in two long term relationships. The one girl is married in another state and I’m still with the other one now lol. I have definitely done a lot of simpish things back in the day with women though. I would do a lot of unnecessary extras to try to impress women. Having flowers and candy on first dates, super expensive dinners, believing every girl wanted me to take it slow. I laugh about it now when I think about it. Now that I understand women a lot better I have more of a balance. When to turn being hot and cold.
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It sucks that men can generally turn cold faster than women! It’s conditioning,, externally (societal rules) and internally. I learned not to care too quick, which is why I’ve been referred to as a brick wall. People lie too damn much.
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I don’t think men or women can turn cold faster. I think it’s just about learning from experience and understanding when to open up to people. Yes, people do lie this is why you need the balance.
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Men close the door and move on faster than women in most cases, whether they completely healed from the relationship or not.
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I still don’t agree with that. Generally speaking I don’t see a difference. It’s usually based on the person who was not dumped will move on faster. I will say that when a woman breaks up with you she’s already gone. She was done a few months before she was just giving you a chance to make things right. I know men will just break up thinking the grass is greener and it usually isn’t.
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This is very true. By the time the woman pulls the trigger, she’s really ready to move on.
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