Remember the three men I met last week?
They turned out to be HONEST in their intentions, of all things. I’ve been saying honesty is the best game for a while now. (If only more men took heed.)
Here’s the rundown:
Guy #1 wants to meet up this Saturday in Brooklyn. He asked where I wanted to meet, so I asked what he wants to do. “Be inside you,” he said. “Really? Since when?” (As if I didn’t set him up with the first question.) “Since we ran back into each other,” he said.
Guy #2 wanted to meet up last weekend, but I was tired and not about that driving-to-another-state life. (It happens!) I knew he wasn’t looking for anything serious because he never asked typical questions that men do when they’re interested in a woman (do you have children, how old are you, etc.). Plus, we danced very sensually and I recognize that. And I enjoyed it. His story? He’s working on his financial situation and is unavailable for a relationship. (I have a feeling he’s unemployed.) But he’s available for sex.
Guy #3 is waiting for finalization of his U.S. citizenship. Once he gets that, he’s going back to Sudan to find a wife, and bring her to the U.S. after a year or so. He claims I remind him of a Sudanese woman. He wants to meet up Sunday and offered to put me up in a hotel in Manhattan (alone) after we hang out, since I have to work Monday. Um hmm. No thank you!
I write about relationships, so I asked plenty of questions throughout conversations with these men and above all, I respect their honesty. Guy #3 didn’t ask for anything specifically, but c’mon, you really wanna be “friends” with me a few months before you go start a family? Okay.
Still, I’ll take honesty over a lie, although I do understand how women play a role in conditioning men to lie (by punishing them for telling their truths).
Here are a few tips:
- Don’t chastise them for their honesty, but instead express appreciation. A lot of men lie to get what they want, which leads to disaster and heartache down the line if you get swept up and emotionally attached. If you want more honesty from men, learn how to receive it better. Later, I’ll write a piece on how to detect a lying ass man.
- Listen intently, while processing what YOU want. Let him express himself, and take in where he’s really coming from since its up to you to take it or leave it. Are you on the same page as far as wants? Or are you far off? Do you want to settle for what he’s offering in the meantime, or will you hold out?
- Take your time. There’s no need to rush your answer. If the game switched up too fast for you, tell him you’ll consider his thoughts and get back to him. If he puts too much pressure on you, he’s being disrespectful and selfish.
- Do what’s best for you. Express how you feel about moving forward (or not). If saying yes to him means saying no to yourself, rethink the situation. Your needs are first priority.
- Learn to let go, as I said in 5 Key Dating Tips For Women, the sooner you get rid of men who are far off target from what you want, the more open you are to receiving what you Do want.
Honesty really is the best game. With full disclosure, you can exercise choice – with or without judgment of the other person. You can engage, or simply walk away.
What’s your take on honesty in relationships and “getting to know you” situations? How do you or would you react if a man or woman you just met told you they were interested in sex? How would you rate the three men I wrote about based on their approach? Have you experienced something similar?