Some days I want another little boy. I think empty nester syndrome might be setting in early.

But then I really can’t stand hearing little kids cry. I like listening to toddlers talk though.

Maternal instinct is a mother—

I need to be able to go to the mall when I want to. And to the gym. Or just lay in the bed and sleep late – til whenever I want to, without having to get up and feed anybody.

I spent years playing chauffeur. And (plenty will disagree with me), but being a dedicated mother is the hardest job in the world.

Anxiety really kicked my ass a time or two. Panic set in. I remember laying on the gray upholstered couch in my boss’ office one morning, breathing into a paper bag and waiting for the paramedics. The attack was brought on by a combination of anxiety and grief – two months after my sister died.

I like how curious and cute kids are. Baby voices.

And then they become teenagers, which isn’t so bad – unless you have a problem child.

Randomly, I did enjoy breastfeeding. It feels like stress leaving the body. Rocking babies to sleep.

I’ll just make my memoir my new (old) baby.

Categories: NaBloPoMo, Parenting, Personal Stories, Poetry, Random Thoughts

Tags: Anxiety, Babies, Empty Nester Syndrome, Family, Giving birth, Grief, Life Change, Loss, Maternal Instincts, Motherhood, NaBloPoMo, Poems about motherhood, Poetry, Relationships