Doctor’s Orders: Date A Younger Man

younger men card

Well, first I wanna address the photo above by stating that I’m not quite 40. (winks!) And I guess in the interest of being politically correct I will say that MILFS (“mother/mom I’d like to Fuck”) are sometimes looking for more in a younger man. Sometimes they find something more unexpectedly. (It happens!)

The topic of dating a younger man is one I (admittedly) think about often, having done it myself. (There!!) But when I went for my annual physical exam last week, I got to thinking again because my doctor broached the subject. The conversation went something like this:

Dr. V: So are you in a serious relationship?

Me: Nope! I’m still single.

Dr. V: Oh! Well — my boyfriend and I are still in love. He thinks it’s over between us, but it’s really not.

Me: (thinking, oh here she goes again about her love life) Well, what would make him think it’s over?

Dr. V: Well, we have a very unhealthy relationship with one another. He’s 22. He lost his mother at the age of two, and I have no children as you know. So we have this very unhealthy mother-son thing going. I’m very stern with him – and he needs that. But, it’s working. And we have to do whatever makes us happy right?

Me: Hmm. Yup. Whatever makes us happy.

At my physical exam a year ago, she glowed about how she met this younger, buff man who she was really attracted to. Showed me a bare-chested pic of him. I was like “Hmph, he looks good! Good for YOU.” She smiled and put her cell phone back in her white coat pocket.

During my recent visit, she told me she was so upset on Christmas Eve because he never texted or called during her night shift at the hospital. He was out drinking with his friends. “But, that happens. Now I’m so happy because he just texted me ten times back to back. I’m manipulating him by not answering.”

So as I’m on the table with right hand tucked behind my head, with hospital gown opened to the front and gaping, she examined my right breast in a kneading, circular motion. She says “You know, you’re a very beautiful woman. You’re independent. You take care of yourself. You look much younger than your age…”

 You should consider dating younger men because as long as you’re having sex with them, and you don’t ask them to pay your bills, they’re happy.”

I thought “HMMMMMM.”

My doctor is an obese Russian woman in her 40’s, dating this buff 20-something year old African-American man. She’s happy. And with all her “black credit cards and Gucci shoes” (her nickname is “Doctor Gucci at the hospital where she works nights), she says she can do “whatever the hell” she wants to.” And hell yes. Indeed. It’s her body. Her money. Her life. Her choice.

Aside from her relationship being “unhealthy,” I see nothing wrong with dating younger men. We  often make the mistake of thinking we know exactly what the packaging will look and feel like when a compatible partner enters our life. And even if you’re looking for a strictly sexual, or casual relationship – age (as long as the sexual partner is not under-age) is less a factor than personality, character traits, maturity level, and other non-physical factors. It’s highly possible for a 25-year old to be more mature than a 40-year old, despite him having less life experiences. It’s also very possible for a younger man to put it down better in the bedroom. Chemistry and compatibility are key.

Is love (sex is possible too) on the horizon with a younger man on the horizon for me in 2013? Only time will tell, but I always make it a point to recognize and appreciate every gem that enters my life, whether for a season or a lifetime. If that gem is a younger man, I will embrace that! So my doctor ain’t said nothing but a word.

I will elaborate on the benefits of dating younger men in a future post, but in the meantime, here are some examples of beautiful and talented celebrities who are dating or married to younger men:


Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon have been married since April 2008. She’s 43. She’s He’s 33.


Shaquille O’neal’s ex-wife Shaunie O’neal is dating model Marlon Yates. She’s 38. He’s 26.

tichina-arnold and husband

Tichina Arnold married St. Johns men’s basketball assistant coach Rico Hines in August 2012. She’s 43. He’s 10+ years younger.


Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher (currently in divorce proceedings) were married September 2005. She’s 50. He’s 34.

Also see: Dating A Younger Man: Is It Worth It?

Categories: Advice, Dating Stories, Inspiration, Personal Stories

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

51 replies

  1. Dating a younger man is definitely an option for me, its not about age its about maturity…I have dated 3 guys who were younger than me, however only one possessed a level of maturity that i could deal with.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow Dr. Gucci Russian likes some black meat.
    On a personal level, my GF of 3 years is a MILF. She’s 4 and always dated guys younger than her.

    I’m personally a MILF-hunter so it’s all good for me.

    So generally, you go for guys older (which is standard)?


  3. Okay. I had a mixed feeling about this, but after reading the comments, I have to agree. It depends on how mature the person is. The fact of the matter is, my past relationships (except one or two) the women were older than me.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Nice post. Well, its culturally and traditionally wrong to date an older Woman(or a younger Man) in this part of the World., but in recent times, some guys are doing it for financial pleasure.
    My thoughts: I reserve it till you publish the next part which will give us details of advantages and disadvantages of dating younger Men.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Interesting response. I learned something new. Thank you. I didn’t know it was taboo to date older or younger in your part of the world (Nigeria! For other readers). Good point about financial pleasure. I’m sure some men seek out older women for that purpose. I mentioned something about that in the post.


  5. Reblogged this on ivorymodels and commented:
    A topic worth discussing…


  6. Yes, some men seek out older women for that purpose. The advent of Information Communication Technology and acceptance of foreign trends is fast depriving people of their cultural heritage. I guess you know Nigeria has over 250 ethnic groups each with peculiar rich culture and tradition, am so sure none of these cultures and traditions appreciates such norm.


    • Interesting. Nope, I didn’t know that. Nor did I really think about the role technology plays in global cultural deterioration. I live in America where social norms are also deteriorating because we’re leaning toward a society where [almost] anything goes. Aside from that we are really a melting pot of different cultures so we feel the shifts more gradually. Thank you for this thoughtful comment.


  7. Love love love this post! I was recently in a dead end two year relationship with a man a few years older…he being 38 and I 35 when we first started dating. Initially we seemed to have wanted the same things out of life and things started moving pretty swiftly, I guess because we both felt we weren’t getting any younger and seemed to be on the same page. Four months into the relationship things started getting stale but being the person that I am I stayed in hopes of things getting better because I really didn’t want to start all over again. He was boring and didn’t want to do the fun things we did in the beginning; not to mention our sex life was also having issues so in January of 2012 as he left to go to work after spending the night I called him back to the apartment and told him he forgot to take his things because it was over….I was done! It was time for a change; I needed something refreshing and I just couldn’t seem to find that in the men in my age group. After months of being single and being cooped up in the house I went out dancing all my myself and I was approached by a really nice guy who asked me to dance, so I did. He was polite and funny and after the second dance he offered me something to drink…he was charming! I knew he was younger than me but I was game since I felt hopeless in finding love with men my age and I had recently had a tummy tuck and was feeling pretty good about myself (wink). We exchanged numbers and as I walked through the door he texted me to se if I got home safely, which made me smile. When I responded I asked his age and told him mine and when he responded he asked for a chance to prove himself and to not let his age scare me off and I didn’t. It’s been nine months and he’s proved himself and still charming the pants off me. He’s loving, caring, hardworking, mature, supportive, committed and fun. Although he’s 10+ years younger we’re compatible and looking for the same things in a relationship and his age isn’t a factor because he’s all that I’ve been looking for but could find in men my own age.


    • Awww, I SO appreciate this response. Really brightened up my morning! (Guess I’m a romantic at heart. Lol) Wow. I’m glad you gave him a chance because it sounds like the experience is well worth it. Goes to show that all kinds of great things can happen when you have an open mind and an open heart, and when you let go of fear and things that aren’t really working. I remember when you met him and were debating. I said “yes girl!” Lol. Very inspiring. I wrote the follow-up post today (pros and cons of dating a younger man). I’ll post it this week. Thank you again for such a sincere response. Best wishes.


    • @Laura- Did you ever think that things might have fizzled out because of something on your part? Maybe you weren’t living up to your part? Or was it strictly his doing?


      • I always give 110% at whatever I do until I’ve exhausted all means, so to answer your question it was al him. When I initiated things for us to do most of the time he had an excuse or was too busy sleeping lol. I’m not saying that I’m perfect and there wasn’t things I could have done differently but I’m thankful that I threw in the towel because I later found out that he had a baby while we were together and starting dating someone else a few months prior to us breaking up only to continuously contact me to say how sorry he is. We just wasn’t a good match although initially we hit it off pretty well. I have not egrets because in those two years I’ve learned alot.


        • Ok I hear you, but you’re pretty much still deflecting blame and putting it on him. Not to sound like an asshole, but since he went so far as to impregnate another chic, doesn’t that say that he wasn’t being satisfied sexually by you that he had to go elsewhere?

          Not that a guy needs an excuse to cheat, but you can’t just bash the guy when you weren’t doing your part.


          • Absolutely I’m blaming him for our relationship not working. I didn’t cheat…he did, I didn’t allow things to go sour…he did, I didn’t pretend to be something I wasn’t just to bag him….he did! Interesting as well as typical that (you) a guy would say I am bashing him for his lack of. Him impregnating another female had nothing to do with me not satisfying him; the issues we faced was due to his inability to perform not mine. Him impregnating another woman (his employee) was based on his irresponsibility and failure to commit to one woman. I’m just calling it as I see it. I am not a male basher or trying to deflect blame on him. My problem was I should have walked away at the first sign of things changing so quickly into the relationship but I wanted to make sure that I was giving him/things a fair chance. Question…after reading my post how did you come to the conclusion that I wasn’t doing my part?


            • I get you. Well whenever a relationship goes bad, I find that 99% of women (or ppl generally) blame the other party for messing it up. So I didn’t figure that you’re case was any different than someone blaming another person.

              And on a related note, I’m a pretty-controversial blogger in the sense that I say what other ppl don’t want to say, or don’t know about.

              Saying that to say, I’ve written few articles (recently also) where I highlighted that men were created to be promiscuous and sleep around. Monogamy and being with 1 woman is NOT a natural thing for a man to do.

              So in essence, men were made to be with more than 1 woman sexually.

              And a lot of this is biology and evolutionary science and even biblical.

              Had you have know this before (about men), you (just as evey other chic) would’ve managed your situation a lot differently.

              I’m not saying that every man will cheat. But they’re just inclined to deal with more than 1 woman at the same time.

              When you understand human biology and evolution, you would get that it isn’t that men are insensitive and disloyal as to why we cheat.


              • I think I dated an undercover pick up artist before. He doesn’t sell me on his theories either. If you justify men cheating based on biology, you need to sit back and let your woman have multiple partners too ( which is just nasty) but he’s not quite as open to that.
                Further, some of us are highly capable of assessing a relationship and taking ownership of where we went wrong. And usually women put up with bullshit longer than men do.


                • Damn, I need some help here from the fellaz lol!

                  Lots of women have dealt with undercover pickup artists but just haven’t known. Or at least guys who follow our insights on this.

                  As for women doing what we do; not quite. Women weren’t equipped to be promiscuous. She’s equipped to be monogamous and only have 1 partner. Plus it makes logical sense.

                  Look at it this way, a girl has LOTS to lose by sleeping around, in that she can be put out of commission from dating for virtually a full year (due to pregnancy).

                  So it would be in her best interest to remain faithful. For her to not be faithful, or for her to be promiscuous would be illogical and taking a huge risk of getting knocked up.

                  Now I personally don’t care because I’m a pickup artist, and we love for women to cheat and be promiscuous (more options for us).

                  But from a technical standpoint, it’d be much wiser for a woman to remain faithful since that has always been her role in history (to only deal with 1 man at a given time).

                  Seems like a double standard but understand that we men cannot be out of commission in that way. We can knock up 100 girls per week from now until we’re 100 years old. There is no limitation put on men when it comes to that. And that is 1 of the reasons why I say we were equipped (biologically) to be promiscuous. If you believe in a God; he made us this way.


              • I fully understand biology and evolution but unfortunately I don’t govern my relationship life by it. I appreciate and respect your position as a blogger/writer. We are all entitled to our own feelings, thoughts and opinions and I enjoy engaging in meaningful debates and discussions such as this. The key word is evolution which means to develop gradually; so how can we govern our love life today by what scientists have found or by what they did in the bible days? Times change, people change…things change. Not saying that its not being done and by the way just to give a little insight on things there’s allot of women who are doing the same thing men are and who feel they need more than one partner but they’re too afraid/ ashamed to say. Its about choices, point blank period! Who in their right mind this day and age with all of these diseases going around wants to be with someone who has multiple partners? Not me! Although I may be encriminating myself lol, I was that person who couldn’t settle for one partner until I took a good look at things and made the choice to change. How can I expect someone to be loyal, faithful and committed to me if I’m not giving the same in return. It’s a point of making a choice to do what’s right by yourself and others and eventually it has to be made regardless of what scientist have claimed to find or what they did when Jesus walked the earth.


                • Good points Laura. The biblical argument is a stale one that I’ve heard before. They leave out the fact that there were also wars, disease, jealousy, etc in the bible. There’s a such thing as biology and there’s also a such thing a s self-discipline, which is why not all men cheat. Some stay uncommitted and do whatever they want to. When the woman becomes attached, they just drop her like a hot cake and on to the next.


                • Sure time changes, but ppl don’t when it comes to what’s deep inside us. If it was the case that ppl change, then men shouldn’t be cheating since society now says cheating is wrong. So men aren’t changing


                  • Cheating is definitely rampant. Someone suggested that if women expected and accepted that their man might cheat, they would be less hurt. Less problems.


                    • That was actually I who suggested that lol (perhaps someone else too).

                      But that’s my point overall with my comments on this article.

                      Had women accepted that men cheat, and expect that it can happen, then it’d much bearable. But it makes no sense for a woman to hop from men to men in hopes of finding 1 who doesn’t cheat. So it’d much more logical to accept cheating (that it happens), and just roll with the punches. Women will be surprised then to see that the guy will conform eventually


                    • No, it wasn’t you. It was the guy I said I suspect could be an undercover PUA (I’m gonna ask him). We were discussing a previous post I wrote “I’m married but sex with my lover is better.” Over time, a lot of men burn out that desire to play the field anyway, with or without pressure from women. That’s another downside of dating a much younger man – he hasn’t necessarily burned out that desire. At the same time, there are plenty of young men (and middle and old age) who are self disciplined. Commitment is a choice.


                  • You can’t be serious to say that people don’t change. Its a choice you make so it’s not something that can’t be attained.


                  • That was type weak to say that men aren’t changing because not all men are the same.


          • Sorry but I gotta respond, the women has admitted possibly she could have done somethings different but she also stated she tried and she tri several times. Now let me tell u we both know men cheat cause they wanna cheat that’s the bottom line they use sex as an excuse cause its been used for so long. The FACT that he didn’t feed her emotionally and mentality is why she may not have top him off in the bedroom. So when he learn to deal with women and not a vagina he’ll realize what he had.


  8. It sounds like your doctor found herself a gigolo.

    Personally, I only date younger women. I’m 27 and my girlfriend is 23. She was 22 when we first started dating. That’s not that much of a age difference. Before I had a girlfriend, I was dating women between 19-25. Yes, I have slept with older women but that’s all it was. I never tried to pursue anything else. Nothing wrong with older women though. It’s really all about what you prefer to date. I like them younger because they tend to have little to no baggage.


    • I like the point you raise about younger women having less baggage. I can see how that would be a positive. On the flip side, someone else might say with baggage (experience) comes wisdom and maturity (sometimes). She might be more financially stable, etc, which may or may not be important. I also like the point you raised about dating with no long term intentions. That’s a downside for the person who catches feelings or wants to settle into a long-term relationship and the other person doesnt want the same thing. Communication and honesty are key (for what it’s worth when one person becomes attached). Thanks for commenting.


  9. Nice post. I think it is never one size fits all in love and dating, as this string of comments very well proves :) I agree compatibility is key to a good match – not age per se, even though, more often than not, closer age means more chance for compatibility. Also, bigger age gaps work better when we pass a certain age – approximately after early 20s, I’d say, when everyone is safely out of teens, starts living an adult life and taking responsibility for their actions and choices – then maturity stops being purely a question of age. Compatibility can also change with the passing of time – as our priorities and needs change, sometimes a difference in age becomes visible over time and we grow apart because we start wanting different things. I think that can become an issue with a man much younger – for example if a girl starts wanting babies and he is not ready yet. But in relative terms – I’d say – anything goes, and there is no right or wrong dating age gap, as long as you are happy together. And as long as it lasts!


    • Thank you! As always, great insight. I like the points you raised about adult responsibilities (being safely into twenties), and long term compatibility (people start wanting different things). This is true. Maturity is key. And even people honestly express what they want at the beginning of a relationship, they can change their minds. That’s a risk, no matter the age situation, but a man in his twenties is potentially less settled (career, ideals, etc) and more likely to shift. That’s based on my experience as well. But – both parties sincere, willing, and equally invested, it can work. I drafted a new post about the pros and cons of dating a younger man and I touched on these issues. Thank you again.



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